A quite fascinating piece of history popped up during my genealogy research. The term "betting book" has a different connotation now than it did in the 18th century. The betting books at gentlemens' clubs were rife with genealogical tidbits.
This excerpt from Harper's Magazine, Volume 15, published in 18571, sums up the irreverent and oftentimes morbid bets that can be found in the books of these clubs.
"In the betting-books at White's and Brookes's —which are still preserved—may be found bets on all possible or conceivable subjects: bets on births, deaths, and marriages; on the length of a life, or the duration of a ministry; on a rascal's risk of the halter, or a placeman's prospect of a coronet; on the chances of an election, or the sanity of the king; on the shock of an earthquake, or the last scandal at Ranclagh, or Madame Cornely's."
DISCLAIMER: When I suggest that you start your own betting book, I am not suggesting you take any wagers. Nor am I suggesting that you take your cue from our ancestors and bet on anything morbid.
What I propose is this--anytime you hear someone use any of the following phrases, write it down for posterity:
"I'm sure!" "I'd stake my life on it!" "Without a doubt!" "You wanna bet?" "I just know. I can feel it."
Write down the date, the details of the bet (including how it came about), the names of the parties for or against. Then have them sign their initials to make it official. Be sure to come back later and make another entry that identifies who was right and who was wrong.
You'll find yourself predicting everything soon. Elections, outcomes of trials, sports, and who has the fastest service. Be careful though, it's humbling to know that you aren't always right. Or are you?
When getting to know other people, one of the frequently asked questions is "What is your favorite...?" I always struggle to come up with an answer more interesting than "I don't have one." I don't have many favorites. I like all of the colors, most music and I haven't read many books that I like more than all others.
I've also been saddled with a fear of commitment to one favorite. Why?
Just because I say that I love a song, it doesn't mean I want someone to run out and purchase the artists' album for me. I only liked that one song. Just because I love kittens, it certainly doesn't mean that I want my family, friends and acquaintances buying me hordes of kitten-themed gifts for my house. I love certain flowers, but am allergic to some of them. You see where this is going?
I hesitate to tell someone my favorites because I don't want them logging that in their memory as a potential gift idea. I even started qualifying my answers. "I love this song, but I can't bear to listen to any of their other songs."
While telling someone else my favorites is, and probably always will be a tad difficult, making a list for my descendants is a great idea...If only I could think of them at the moment I want to write them down.
This is the point in my story where my cousin comes to the rescue. I was recently inspired by her to pay more attention to the activities of the day and write down any favorites I come across--in that day only. Taking it one day at a time, I was able to say, "This was my favorite for today." I didn't have to commit to it and was free to change my favorite tomorrow.
What I found out is that I do have some clear runners-up for all-time favorites--scents that make me happy, foods that I would eat again over and over (if it was healthy to do so), and songs that lift my mood.
I encourage you to start a Book of Favorites. If anything, it's great for coming up with gift ideas for the next time you splurge on yourself.
I am one of those people who regrets not learning the benefits of writing in a journal earlier in life. Sure, I wrote my feelings down from time to time in various notebooks. There were dozens of notebooks, all with one glaring characteristic--
--They were all over 90% blank when they were retired to a drawer or a box. It frustrated me. Why couldn't I finish a journal? Why couldn't I keep at it?
The answer was simple. I only wrote when I had extremely negative emotions to release. It was my confidant when I needed to vent.
When I was happy or surrounded by friends, I never felt the need to write. That is one of my biggest regrets.
Now, looking back over my youthful musings, there are rarely any positive entries to enjoy. The stories I'm fond of are faded in my memory, because I didn't capture them on film or on paper. The memories that I'd rather not remember are as clear as if they happened yesterday.
That is not how I want my descendants to remember me. If I could go back and do it all again, I would write in my journal daily, good or bad.
If you're anything like I was, you struggle to finish one diary. You don't know what to say. Perhaps you've already exhausted all of your feelings and don't want to think about them anymore--certainly not long enough to write about them. Hopefully, you've been so busy that you don't have time to write about the fun you've had.
Maybe you'd rather be having fun than writing about it.
If you haven't found a reason to sit down and work on your journaling yet, I'll share mine with you.
I've been working on genealogy for over 16 years...No, I didn't find my reason among my late ancestors. I just threw that in there to let you know that even reading my ancestors' journal entries didn't move me to write my own.
It wasn't until my grandmother was diagnosed with dementia that I started to understand the importance of keeping a journal. Here I had a fount of history, my loving grandmother, who also enjoyed genealogy, but I couldn't ask her questions. I couldn't learn about her--not from her, anyhow.
After she died, I was inundated with conflicting stories from each of her children. You've all been there, right? Everyone has their truth about what growing up was like.
It was disheartening to learn things about her that she can't respond to, either to deny or confirm. She can't explain her actions, good or bad.
It was shortly after this that I learned of a journal my grandmother had written. Now, I didn't expect to get the answers to my most burning questions, but it was more than I'd expected.
I learned that Grandma and I were more alike than she'd let on. I understood her better. I can surmise from her journal entries that she was sometimes hard on me because she'd been there, done that and didn't want me to make the same mistakes that she had. At least, that's why I hope she was hard on me.
I learned things about her that I'd never thought to ask and many things that I'm not sure anyone else knew about her until they, too, read the journals.
I still don't have the answers to the burning questions I wish I could ask her, but I know who she thought she was. How she felt about herself, and those she wrote about, is right there on the pages.
I may not know the woman my father grew up with. I certainly don't know the woman my aunts and uncles grew up with. But, I do know her...The woman from the journal. She's been through hell and back again and survived.
Perhaps, if my aunts and uncles journal, my descendants may learn more about her. Who she was to them. They'll certainly learn who she was to me--
--Because, since that day, I've made every effort to journal. If I don't write in a personal diary, I write in one of my other journals, all of which are dedicated to ensuring that my descendants know who I think I am.
Why should you keep a diary? I can't tell you that. As with most good habits, you must WANT to do this for yourself. Don't do it because someone told you that you should.
A perfect case in point is that my 18 year old daughter has never kept a journal--until last night, that is. I've given her beautiful journals, notebooks and diaries. None of them ever inspired her to write.
In her spare time, she is my editor. As a result, she knows of the benefits of journaling. At least, I thought she understood.
Last night, after watching her pull out her journal, curiosity almost killed me. What inspired her to write? Would she tell me? Should I ask? If I ask, will I scare her into not journaling ever again?
She wrote for what felt like hours, but it was only 30 minutes or so. She'd filled six pages.
Afterwards, she said, "I didn't think it would literally feel like a weight had been lifted off my chest." I'm sure she'd heard it said before, but now she truly understood it.
Then, she was clearly debating with herself. I could see it on her face...
Should I ask her to read it? What will she think?
She handed me the journal and I read the most inspirational six pages in which she discussed her personal feelings on something very close to both of our hearts.
I won't break her trust by sharing that with you now, but I will say that she's giving her descendants a clear representation of who she wants to be.
Who do you want your descendants to know?
If you're having trouble getting started, journal about that. I had strong emotions about not being able to journal. Sometimes, and I hope this is the case for you, once you start writing, the floodgates open. Give yourself permission to write and forgive yourself for not doing so sooner.
I wish you the best of luck and the best of memories to fill your diaries.
*I should note here that I've never used the term "Dear Diary" when writing in my journals. I write as if I was talking to my descendants and my voice reflects that. I speak to them as if I was writing them a letter.
These are the two most used phrases in the waking hour at our house. It wasn't always so. Before I started keeping a dream journal none of us really thought to tell others our dreams.
Sure, if it was a really funny dream, or the opposite, we might share. Those moments were far and few between. My mother rarely remembers hers. My daughter doesn't like to rehash her nightmares. She, too, has a hard time remembering the really good dreams.
I, on the other hand, have always had dreams and nightmares that I could still remember in the morning, but usually for only a few minutes before they faded. Sometimes I wrote them down, but it wasn't a top priority for me. It wasn't as if they meant anything to me and sharing them seemed pointless.
Then, several years ago I had one that wouldn't let me shake it loose. It nagged at me to sit and write it all down. Later, it became the premise of one of my books.
That kind of inspiration is priceless. I have exclusive first row tickets to the best show in town. All I have to do is tap into that.
To do so, I started keeping stacks of loose leaf paper by my bed. I'd wake up, write my dreams down, then, more often than not, I'd go right back to sleep for "just a few more minutes."
I never thought I would use up so many sheets for my dreams, but I had. They were making a mess on my desk, so I transferred them into a spiral notebook, filling it up. There were too many for one, so I started a second book.
That is when my new spiral bound Dream Journal found a home next to my bed.
There was an unforeseeable side-effect. I started wrenching myself out of sleep, after interesting dreams. I was writing on rote. Too many times, I failed to turn the light on and, well, I'd often have an entire dream scribbled onto the same one line, words all scrambled together. It was getting so that I couldn't even decipher what I wanted to remember.
Several times, I woke up to find I was sleeping on my journal and pen. I didn't remember grabbing them. Soon after these events, my daughter heard a crash and decided to check on me. It turns out that I was sleep-writing. I'd knocked my pencil cup over while reaching for my pen.
This prompted me to keep our digital audio recorder by the bed. I forced myself to get up out of bed, go somewhere that my noise wouldn't wake anyone, and record my dreams. Later, I would transcribe them into my Dream Journal.
That, too, had an unfortunate side-effect. I started recalling more dreams--five, six, seven a night, which by itself is amazing. They were all recorded for my descendants while I was barely awake. That really isn't so bad--a bit embarrassing when I yawn after every other word, but not anything to worry over.
The real problem was that I wasn't able to keep up with transcribing them. After a few months of not having time to do so, some of the recorded dreams sounded like gibberish. I couldn't jog my memory enough to write what the dreams were about.
Even when I did jot a quick note to remind me what my dream was about, if I didn't take the time to write the whole story, within the day, the note was a waste of my time. My visions of the dream wouldn't stick around long enough to make sense of my scribbles the next day.
So, I found a happy medium. I still use a combination of the recorder and the written journal, but now I force myself to transcribe them daily.
The more I write, the more I appear to dream. Looking back through the journals, I can SEE the dreams as if I'm reliving them. Every written word evokes a vivid memory of the sights and sounds.
Why is this so important to me? Besides the obvious benefits to my writing career, I've found that my memories of real events have become clearer as well. Neat side-effect.
I've also learned something about myself--
My subconscious is more decent than I am.
I think I'm a pretty fair-minded individual. Most of you probably are too. Still, we all have naughty things we might joke about, but would never dream about actually doing. Sometimes we wonder, would we really stay on the right side of the law, if push came to shove?
Now, after years of writing in a dream journal, I know for certain that at least a part of me would never actually do anything nefarious, even when faced with making difficult decisions. My dream self doesn't murder, cheat, steal, lie or hurt other people, intentionally or otherwise. It is fair, loving, and more creative than I am. It's even more fearless than I could ever be.
I'm a bit envious.
If only I could be as good in reality...
Are you thinking of starting your own dream journal? Please click here for some advice before you begin. See the PDF below for some fun Dream Poll Questions to share with your family and friends.
There's a scene in the television series "The Nanny" in which Fran Fine's mother, Sylvia, says, "I"m having heart palpitations! Get me my medicine." Fran runs, as best she can on her high heeled shoes, to the refrigerator and grabs a bottle of Hershey's chocolate syrup and a spoon.
My daughter and I couldn't stop laughing when we watched this scene because it reminds both of us of someone--me. There are just some days when I need a shot of chocolate syrup.
What do you do with all of these moments, the moments when you see, feel, smell, taste or hear something that reminds you of someone or something? If your answer is nothing, I have a challenge for you at the end of this post.
My daughter and I share a simple spiral notebook with a homemade label that reads: Reminds Me of You. We fill the pages with "memory moments." The best feature of this notebook is the brevity of each entry. We simply list who is doing the remembering, who/what we are reminded of, and what sparked the memory.
The entries don't answer how or why we made the connection. There is reason for this. Often we are in the middle of something--just generally busy. We may not have time to do a long journal entry right at the time, but jotting down a little note for later reflection is usually feasible. I recommend this abbreviated method. It gives you time to mull over what you want to say.
I'd like to share a handful of these entries with you so you can get a taste of what works for us.
Reminds me of Mom (by Joey)
"Laverne and Shirley"
Season 2, episode 21
"Haunted House"
Laverne is frantically trying to find a way out of the house they're locked inside. Shirley, in the face of danger, though on guard, is sitting reading. "Laverne, I'm at peace. Just reading this diary I found here...This is so interesting..."
Reminds me of Joey (by Tricia)
anytime I see Michael Flatley or Irish dancers in general
Reminds me of Donna (by Joey and Tricia)
Saw a picture of a car door repaired with a fork and rubber-bands.
Reminds me of Joey (by Tricia)
anytime I see a Dodge Charger
Reminds me of Mom (by Joey)
"Psych"
Season 2, episode 2
"65 Million Years Off"
Sean has made a SWAG and is surprised that it hit close to home. "It actually scares me that my wild dinosaur reach landed so close to the bull's-eye."
Reminds me of us (by Joey and Tricia)
"Psych"
Season 3, episode 14
"Truer Lies"
Sean and Gus have somewhere important they need to be, but..."Of course..Tacos first!"
Reminds me of us (by Joey and Tricia)
"Psych"
Season 4, episode 7
"To the car...Follow the guy with the scar!"
"That rhymed."
I bet you couldn't tell we were having a Psych marathon.
We have a few uses for this "Reminds Me of You" journal:
1) Journal prompts
We look back on these moments and use them as journal prompts to answer the "Why?" for our descendants.
2) Vignettes
By sorting the memories, grouped by person, we use them to create fun vignettes for each individual. We could then, ideally, share them with said subject and other family members. For example: Joey has created a video for me titled "Reminds me of my Mom," which features snippets of songs, videos, and images that remind her of my spontaneous rhyming, short stature, thoughts on creation, daily mysteries, phobias, etc.
3) Gift books or cards
We plan to create a handmade book or gift card that features all of these moments along with explanations as to why each reminds us of the intended recipient.
Whether we give these to our living family members and friends, or pass them down to their descendants, someone will enjoy our efforts. They'll enjoy your efforts, too, should you accept my challenge:
I challenge you to dedicate a notebook to these moments, moments that remind you of important people, things, or events.
Start jotting down the things that make you say, "I saw something that reminded me of you today." After you fill up the journal, decide what you want to do with it. If you're low on ideas, start by sorting the entries by person, thing, or by genre. I have faith that you'll figure out how best to share them.
I enjoy imagining the beauty you can create with them. Have fun!
Below you'll find some of the other journals that I have on my shelf. In the coming weeks, I will do my best to encourage you to start your own, if you haven't already.
Author's Book Journal Conversations Family Interview Questionnaire Answers Family Poetry Funnies Genealogy Journal I Wish, I Wish If Something Were to Happen to Me Today Inventions & Other Ideas Miscellaneous Notes and Conversations Mondegreens Over My Head Jewelry Poetry Recipes & Ratings Reviews by Me Typos, Auto Correct & General Stupidity What I'm Thankful For WRITE IT DOWN! Challenge Answers
A few words of advice before you start any journaling challenge:
1) Take the time to pre-number and label each page with the title of the journal before you even write one word in it. Not so very long ago, I was reading a page that had slipped free from one of my journals. I freaked out at a memory of an event I didn't remember ever happening. I was talking about people and places I knew, but the event was one I thought I would surely remember. People being attacked? How could I forget that?
Easy. It never happened, not in real-life anyhow. It was a dream. I'd forgotten to label my dream journal on every page and the loose pages resembled my diary.
EVERY PAGE. That's clearly important to your descendants. It helps them to determine which journal loose pages might have come from. It also saves them the hours of research in the newspaper archives trying to find news of an event that never happened.
2) If you haven't already done so, invest in an address stamp with your name on it. Put your name and address in both covers AND at the bottom of every page. Pages, as previously noted, tend to come loose over time. As I age, I find that my mother and I have very similar handwriting. Many of the events I discuss could be written by her as well. If you take the time to stamp your name on each page, no one will ever have to work to determine the author.
3) Further simplify your descendant's genealogy research as you write. Make sure you put the date on every page,not just the first page of the day. Loose page #70 could have come from any number of journals, but Patricia Brewer's Dream Journal page #70 dated 11 NOV 2013 could have only come from one journal.
It seems difficult. You already have a hard time finding even a minute to spare for journaling. When you do, you don't want to do mundane tasks. Take one hour and get the pre-labeling out of the way. I guarantee, you'll feel better knowing that you've done your best to help your descendants in their quest to learn more about you.
